Francis Ford Coppola (The Godfather Part II)
After years of body-switching comedies like Big, Like Father Like Son, Vice Versa, etc., the powers at be in Hollywood decided it was time yet again to mine laughs over what it would be like if a little boy was in a man's body. And what better director to take them there than Mr. Heart of Darkness himself, Francis Ford Coppola. Jack currently has a 17% approval rating on Rottentomatoes.
9. Toys (1992)
Barry Levinson (Rain Man)
Hey look, It's Robin Williams again! In 1992, Barry Levinson had established himself as one of the most important directors in the industry with a number of solid hits (including the Oscar-winning Rain Man) which gave him free reign over his choice of projects. So what did he decide to do when he was given keys to the kingdom? His long in the works pet-project/bomb TOYS. Williams plays a man/child again who's trying to stop his evil uncle from taking over the family toy company in order to make weapons for the government. It doesn't make any sense. And neither did the trailer, which features Williams, out of character, in a field doing his hyper, manic schtick.
Oliver Stone (Platoon)
Before soaring to Oscar gold with heavy dramas like Platoon and Born On The Forth of July, Stone was just another director-for-hire making schlocky horror crap. The Hand features Michael Caine (in a performance the pre-dates his fine work in Jaws: The Revenge) as a comic book artist who loses his hand, which in turn takes on a murderous life of its own. In the end, it turns out that he had never lost his hand, and that he's been killing people himself the whole time. (Spoiler Alert!)
7. Caged Heat (1974)
Jonathan Demme (The Silence of the Lambs)
The ground-breaking director of Philadelphia (the first movie from a major studio to address the issue of AIDS directly) wasn't always so highbrow. Back in the 70's Demme decided to add a colorful entry in the "Women Behind Bars" genre with Caged Heat, the story of inmates of a women's prison who decide to rise up against they're oppressive warden played by Barbara Steele. I like that name.
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6. The Rookie (1990)
Clint Eastwood (Unforgiven, Million Dollar Baby)
While doing press for The Dead Pool in 1989, Eastwood was quoted as saying "I have a project for this spring that will be full of action. It's another cop picture, very different from this one. It has its own character and if it's done well it can turn out to be something good. Charlie Sheen will play the rookie and I'll play the mature cop." In theory, the mismatched teaming up of Eastwood/Sheen should've been way funnier than it was. Instead, Sheen plays down his role to an almost laconic state, giving us the limp pairing of the old, cranky cop with the young, silent cop.
5. The Karate Kid part III (1989)
John G. Avildsen (Rocky)
I'm not sure if you can still refer to someone as "Kid" if that person is, in fact, a 27-year-old man. That was the age of Ralph Macchio when he stepped into the role of Daniel LaRusso for the third time to round out the KK trilogy. Director John G. Avildsen decided for once to stop ripping off his , and own Rocky, and just start ripping off his own movies that ripped off Rocky. Which is why this movie feels almost like a remake of the original, leading to a showdown at the same Karate Tournament.
Kevin Costner (Dances With Wolves)
This trailer is really long and boring...just like the movie. If you wondered how someone like Costner, who was the number one box office draw in the early 90s, could end up starring in a made-for-The History Channel-mini series in 2012, look no further.
3. Blue Steel (1989)
Kathryn Bigelow (The Hurt Locker)
In 2010, Kathryn Bigelow became the first woman to win the Academy Award for Best Director. In 1989, she made that one movie where Jamie Lee Curtis plays a rookie cop who's dating a serial killer. I saw this last year and two things really stand out- 1. Holy shit she's stupid for being a policewoman and not knowing that the guy you're dating is also the serial killer you're looking for. 2. Ron Silver gets killed, then suddenly jumps up back to life more times in this movie than Jason Vorhees ever did.
2. Cruising (1980)
William Friedkin (The French Connection)
I'm not sure if I'm remembering this correctly but I believe one of my friends from film school told me that he had bought a ticket to a Midnight Screening of this at some college theater in Phoenix and was disappointed when the theater decided not to show it that night. The reason for this was because it happened to be September 11, 2001, and suddenly showing a homosexual thriller from the 80s starring Al Pacino suddenly didn't seem like a priority. I was amused when he told me how upset he was over it.
1. Piranha Part Two: The Spawning (1981)
James Cameron (Titanic)
Even "The King Of The World" had to start somewhere...
