Monday, October 29, 2012

The Ten Greatest Local TV Commercials of ALL TIME!




10Crazy Gideon's  (Los Angeles)
It can be said that Gideon Kotzer, or "Crazy Gideon" was never a fan of subtlety.  He always goes for that loud, fast, breaking-shit advertising angle.  Crazy Gideon's went out of business in 2010 but it's legend lives on forever in YouTubeLand with these, dare I say, awesome spots.

9.  Berger and Green Insurance  (Pittsburgh)
At first glance, Larry Berger of Berger and Green Insurance, seems to be trying to sell you C4 explosives.  But no, he is yet another accident attorney trying to get you the big cash for having scars, broken bones, burns, paralysis, or any permanent injury.  I'm not sure ANYONE could survive ANYTHING going on right behind him.


8.  Golden Gate Funeral Home  (Dallas)
I don't know much about the Golden Gate Funeral Home.  Mostly because when I clicked the About Us icon on their website it led me to this. Well, that pretty much clears everything up.  Thank you, Golden Gate Funeral Home! 


7.  Martin's Fine Furniture  (Indianapolis)
It's not made clear why Martin, keeps blasting away the Martians, who presumably came in to shop at his funiture store.  The reason could be in the closing remarks of the ad-  "Mr. Martin do all these Martians buy our funiture?"  "Yeah, and I hope they don't expect free delivery all the way to Mars!"  "You got that right!"  Harsh punishment, indeed.


6.  SLCC Barbering and Cosmetology School  (Salt Lake City)
I'm not sure how comfortable I would feel getting any good or services from any place of business that seems to be bragging about the fact that they don't have a license.  However, that $2 price can't be beat!


5.  Moo & Oink  (Chicago)
One of the greatest things to ever come out of the South-side of Chicago (next to Jim Croce's hit "Bad, Bad, Leroy Brown" and the White Sox) were these spots for the now closed chain of grocery stores for Moo & Oink.  A wholesaler that catered to the inner-city community and south suburbs.  This just might be might favorite commercial jingle EVER.


4.  Vern Fonk Insurance (Seattle)
Mr. Fonk, despite seemingly wishing us all happy holidays next to his family, is scaring the shit out of me.  Did he mean for this commercial to be so sinister looking?


3.  Tonkin  (Portland)
This very well might be the most "epic" local commercial I've ever seen.  But I still wouldn't use the term "epic" to describe ANYTHING because I hate people that do that.


2.  Mr. Appliance  (Eugene)
My good friend Jesse Smith lived in Eugene, OR for a few years and he had this to say about meeting Mr. Appliance himself-
"I needed to buy this heating element for my dryer so I went there, because I was curious after seeing the ads.   When I got to the store it was completely cluttered and he was sitting at his computer playing Minesweeper and trying to ignore me.  I asked him for the piece and without taking his eyes off the game he told me to look over in a pile of boxes for it.  After digging around for what felt like forever I finally found it.  He rang it up and bragged "It's $8.75 that is $1.25 cheaper than my ex-wive's store across the street."   I then asked him how much his T-shirts were.  "They say $10 on that sign over there..." he said rather condescendingly.  The sign was buried behind a stack of boxes I couldn't see.  "....that means they are $10."  I never went back to his store again, but I heard that he was spotted at the movie theatre trying to get a free ticket because of his celebrity status."


1.  Eagleman Insurance  (Chicago)
???????????????????????   If this came on TV late night while I was half asleep I might think someone had slipped me LSD or that I was losing my mind.  Either way, it has my utmost respect.