The Ten Greatest Celebrity Interviews...EVER!

10.  Joe Namath hits on reporter during interview.
Supposedly, Broadway Joe got his nickname by his teammates for his way with the broads. Here he is turning on that Namath charm during a side-line interview from 2003.

9.  Tracy Morgan pretty wasted on live tv in Texas.
Before he got himself in trouble with some anti-gay remarks, Tracy Morgan was already a total nutbag.  As seen in this hilarious clip.

8.  Andrew Dice Clay gets miffed on CNN.
Back in 1990, Andrew "Dice" Clay capped off his extremely successfull stand-up career by selling out Madison Square Garden for two nights in a row, the only comedian ever to do so.  But for years, Clay's shock-style of comedy had attracted many critics, calling it misogynistic, racist, and homophobic.  After several starring roles in flops both in tv and film, Clay's public appeal softened and the comic began running a gym in 1997.  Just don't ask him about it, because he gets super-pissed.

7.   Jim Everett physically attacks Jim Rome during interview.
In 1989, Rams' quarterback Jim Everett was reportedly "shellshocked" from the numerous times he was sacked against the 49ers in the NFC championship game.  At one point, Everett was so spooked that he collapsed to the ground in anticipation of yet another sack, even though the 49ers' defensive players hadn't actually reached him yet – a play now known as Everett's "Phantom Sack".
Sports talk-show host Jim Rome, began mocking Everett by calling him "Chris" Everett (a reference to female tennis player Chris Evert.  HAHA!  Get it?  He called him a GIRL, wow...hilarskees!). In 1994, Everett appeared as a guest on Rome's show Talk2 and within the first 30 seconds Rome applied the insult twice. Everett was not amused, leading to one of the greatest moments in the history of sports.  ESPN shows this clip at least 20 times a day.  Seriously, switch over to ESPN right now and I bet they're playing it.

6.  Sean Connery explains why hitting a woman isn't that bad.
In a 1965 interview with Playboy, Connery basically said that it was okay to slap a woman but only if she was being a bitch.  Many years later, Barbra Walters brought it up hoping to get a retraction.  To her surprise, Connery says the same thing in slightly more detail.

5.  Madonna spends almost entire show busting Dave Letterman's balls.
When Madonna was interviewed on Late Show with David Letterman on March 31, 1994, her foul language, including sayig "fuck" thirteen times, made the episode the most censored in American network television talk-show history (whatever that means). It also resulted in some of the highest ratings of Letterman's late-night career.  I guess talking about Charles Barkley's penis will do that.

4.  James Brown high out of his mind on morning LA talk show.
After being arrested for assaulting his wife with a lead pipe (yes, a lead pipe, much like a character from the board game Clue) the Godfather of Soul stopped by this morning LA talk show to give us one of the most insane/funny interviews of all time.

3.  Marlon Brando tries to feed Larry King dog food, then slaps and kisses him as they sing a song together. 
In 1994...by the way, have you noticed that a lot of these on this list are from 1994?  I guess 1994 must be for celebrity interviews what 1984 was to gay music videos.  Anyway, in 1994 the reclusive Brando agreed to appear on Larry King Live to fulfill his contract with Random House that required him to do at least one interview to promote his book Songs My Mother Taught Me.  After avoiding questions about his acting, youth, or past films, Brando babbles on incoherently on a variety of subjects then caps off the interview in an appropriately looney fashion.

2. Mike Tyson in pretty much every interview he's ever given.
When it comes to saying crazy shit during an interview, no one (with the exception of Charles Manson) can hold a candle to Iron Mike. Really though, it must be hard to live a large part of your life in front of the camera. Or, in Mike's own words-
"If I take this camera and put it in your face for twenty years, I don't know what you might be. You might be a homosexual if I put that camera on you since you were 13 years old. I've been on that camera since I was 13 years old."

1.  Richard Pryor
Probably the funniest, loosest interview ever conducted, it was done on the set of Stir Crazy in 1979.  Pryor was most likely out of his mind on drugs at the time, but it still doesn't diminish just how hilarious and honest he could be. 

The Ten Greatest Rap Songs EVER! (about bad movies)

10.  "Addams Groove"  Hammer    
The Addams Family (1991) 
"The Addams don't want to hurt anyone, they just want to have FUN." says psychologist Hammer at the tail end of this extremely weird-ass video.  I'm not sure what inspired the producers to think that a rap song would be the perfect track for a movie about an eccentric, rich, goth, white family.  Hey, I guess they just do what they want to do.  Zing!

9.  "Wild Wild West" Will Smith  
Wild Wild West (1999)
The title song to one of the biggest flops of all time!  That is, if you consider making $222 million to be a flop.  The film is generally considered to be Will Smith's biggest failure with audiences and critics.  However, it actually managed to reach #1 on the Billboard charts in 1999 and the extended music video became a hit on MTV (before the movie was released).  Also, it's probably the last time we'll see Shakespeare auteur Kenneth Branaugh and "Thong Song" singer Sisqo in anything together.

8.  "Now I Know Why You Want To Hate Me" Limp Bizkit  
Mission Impossible: 2 (2000)
Honestly, I don't know what any of these lyrics mean.  I'm not sure Fred Durst does either.
Sample lyric:

"I don’t even know what I should say
Cuz im an idiot, a loser, microphone abuser
I analyze every second I exist
Beating on my mind every second with my fist"

What?  Well the first two lines don't rhyme at all.  But at least he's being honest here.  Although, since this was written for Mission Impossible 2, it's hard to tell if Durst is referring to Tom Cruise's character.  I doubt Cruise would describe his hero/daredevil character Ethan Hunt as an idiot, loser, or even microphone abuser but you never know.

7.  "Spirit"  Doug E. Fresh & The Get-Fresh Crew  
Ghostbusters 2 (1989)
This is probably my favorite song on this list.  Doug E. Fresh is one of the all time greatest beat boxers.  It starts out with Mr. Fresh pondering what it means to have a soul, or "spirit", if you will.  Pretty deep for late-80's hip-hop.  Then, he starts dropping in lines like "GHOSTBUSTERS, it's like that y'all!" and the song goes to shit.

6.  "Deepest Bluest"  LL Cool J
 Deep Blue Sea (1999)
There's a stigma in sci-fi/horror films that the black characters always die (Alien, The Shining, Jurassic Park, Rocky IV).  I have a theory that the exception to this rule is that the black characters always get killed off, unless they can rap. (i.e. Ice Cube in Anaconda).  Nothing proves my (BS) theory more than the 1999 camp classic Deep Blue Sea.  Halfway through, the lead character, played by Samuel L. Jackson, is chomped in two by a shark right in the middle of his big emoting speech.  Yet, it's rapper LL Cool as the survivor.

5.  "Go Ninja Go"   Vanilla Ice   
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles II: The Secret Of The Ooze  (1991)
Even 21 years later I'm still pissed off at this movie.  Who the fuck are Tokka and Rahzar?  Everyone knows it's supposed to be Bebop and Rocksteady!  And why aren't the Ninja Turtles using there weapons?  And what happened to the lady that played April O'Neal in the last movie?  Damn, I'm still pissed off.  Even getting Pizza Hut afterwards wasn't enough to cheer me up.  I never smiled again after that day.

4.  "Grinch 2000"  Busta Rhymes/Jim Carrey   
Dr. Seuss' How the Grinch Stole Christmas (2000)
I've tried to sit through this song three times and have never made it past the first minute.  It's that bad.  If anyone listens to the whole thing send me an email and let me know how it is.  As for now, I will consider it an embarrassment for everyone involved.  Especially Dr. Seuss.

3. "Are You Ready For Freddy?"  The Fat Boys 
A Nightmare On Elm Street 4:  The Dream Master (1988)
Even though the song/video isn't exactly funny/scary/good in any way, somehow I'm still insanely jealous of my brother-in-law for having a framed, vinyl copy hanging up in he and my sister's home in Chicago.  Every time I go for a visit I find myself staring up at it, enchanted by it's magnificence.  Maybe he'll give it to me if I ask for it nicely. 

2.  "Maniac Cop Rap"  Jay Chattaway
Maniac Cop 2  (1990)
This song is so obscure I'm not even sure who it's by.  After searching on the net for awhile (about 3 minutes) with no luck I gave up.  The music to the film is credited to Jay Chattaway, the composer for such classic tv shows as Star Trek: The Next Generation.  I highly doubt Chattaway, who was 44 at the time of the film's release, is the one rapping behind the mic.  Especially since there are clearly two MC's on this track.  But, I guess if no one wants to take the credit for the "Maniac Cop Rap" then I'll take it.  Heading over to Wikipedia and Imdb to add myself as the performer right now.

1.  "City of Crime"  Dan Aykroyd and Tom Hanks
Dragnet (1987)
And now, I proudly present Academy Award Nominee Dan Aykroyd and two-time Academy Award Winner Tom Hanks in...this monstrosity.

The Ten Greatest Gay Music Videos...EVER!

10.  "Wham Rap! (Enjoy What You Do)"  Wham!  (1982)
I suppose you could take any Wham! song and put it on this list.  They're kind of an easy and obvious choice, given George Michael's history of lewd acts in public bathrooms.   But I think it would feel somehow incomplete without Wham! on it.  Also, I couldn't come up with a #10 pick because all The Village People's music videos are blocked from embedding on YouTube.  Plus, I'm not that clever.  Anyway, here's Wham! getting their hip-hop groove on in leather jackets, jeans, and t-shirts; the perfect ensemble for any gangsta' thug.

9.  "I Want to Break Free"  Queen  (1984)
Before tragically succumbing to complications from AIDS in 1991, Queen's lead singer Freddie Mercury was one of the most acclaimed front-men in rock n' roll history.  His four-octave vocal range and flamboyant stage persona lead Queen to 18 number one albums, 18 number one singles, and (from some estimates) selling 300 million albums worldwide.  At around the 3:00 mark, you can watch him slide face first over a bunch of crotches and butts.

8.  "I'm Too Sexy"  Right Said Fred  (1992)
In the summer of 1992, Americans were swept off their feet by the British trio Right Said Fred's "I'm Too Sexy", a song satirizing narcissism in the fashion world.  Much like other infamous ear worms like "The Macerena" and "La Vida Loca" the public and media loved the catchy hook...then realized the song was awful and swore never to mention it again. 

7.  "Wild Boys"  Duran Duran  (1984)
I had never heard of this song, much less seen the video before I started putting this list together.  Now I've watched it three times.  It's got expensive production values and a lot of weird costumes/choreography/early CGI going on and the lyrics are about...uh...wild boys, I guess, but other than that...I'm drawing a blank.  I think the video must be one of those Men In Black memory-wipe things that fries your brain because I really can't think of anything after watching it.  I'm afraid if i see it one more time I might...er...what was I talking about?

6.   "You Think You're A Man"  Divine  (1984)
Like many people, I was first exposed to Divine through John Waters' notorious 1972 cult-classic Pink Flamingos, in which the actor eats real dog shit on camera.  Not the most conventional way to introduce yourself to the public, but hey, it worked!   Divine ended up starring in ten of Waters' films and even became a notable character actor before his/her sad death in 1988.  Apparently, he/she also released some albums with a few songs even breaking the top 40 charts in countries like New Zealand and Germany, including this one off The Story So Far.  Not really a great song, but be warned:  it's a catchy mofo that will be stuck your head for at least 24 hours and it's really not something you should be singing out loud around the office.

5.  "The Crying Game"  Boy George (1992)
In case you've never seen it, the 1992 film The Crying Game is your basic boy-meets-girl story.  Only halfway through the girl takes off her dress and has a penis.  When writer/director Neil Jordon was looking for someone to record a cover of the 1964 Dave Berry tune (for which the film takes it's name) he asked 80's icon Boy George, possibly to crank the gay themed film to 11.

4.  "Hot Rockin"  Judas Priest  (1981)
In 1998 Judas Priest's lead singer Rob Halford came out and became the first openly gay heavy-metal singer.  The most shocking thing about the reveal was that it came 17 years after this video, which pretty much leaves no question about the group's homosexual overtones.  The first part of the video features Halford and the rest of the band hitting the gym; lifting weights shirtless, singing in the shower, and relaxing in the sauna.  Nothing really "gay" per se about any of those things, but...uhhh...

3.  "Rock Me Tonight"  Billy Squier  (1984)
Have you noticed that a lot of these are from the year 1984?  What was with that year?  Anyhoo, so this is the video that killed Billy Squier's career.  In it, Squier puts on a pink tank top and prances around.  That's it.  I guess a lot of people thought Squier was gay, or on drugs after seeing it.  I don't understand what all the hoopla was about.  I mean, daaaaaaaamn...that kid can dance!

2.  "Dancing In the Streets" David Bowie and Mick Jagger  (1985)
This probably wouldn've been #1 if Family Guy hadn't already pointed out how unsettling it is by playing the video almost in it's entirety, after which Brian, the dog, says "We ALL let that happen."  Bowie's ex-wife claims that around the time of filming she caught Bowie and Jagger in bed together...naked.  Years later during a press conference one reporter questioned Jagger about the incident asking "Did you sleep with David Bowie?" to which he responded "Of course!".  Case closed**

1.  "Life at the Outpost"  Skatt Brothers  (1979)
There is nothing homosexual about this video at all.  I don't know why it's on this list.

**No case actually exists.