The Addams Family (1991)
"The Addams don't want to hurt anyone, they just want to have FUN." says psychologist Hammer at the tail end of this extremely weird-ass video. I'm not sure what inspired the producers to think that a rap song would be the perfect track for a movie about an eccentric, rich, goth, white family. Hey, I guess they just do what they want to do. Zing!
9. "Wild Wild West" Will Smith
Wild Wild West (1999)
The title song to one of the biggest flops of all time! That is, if you consider making $222 million to be a flop. The film is generally considered to be Will Smith's biggest failure with audiences and critics. However, it actually managed to reach #1 on the Billboard charts in 1999 and the extended music video became a hit on MTV (before the movie was released). Also, it's probably the last time we'll see Shakespeare auteur Kenneth Branaugh and "Thong Song" singer Sisqo in anything together.
8. "Now I Know Why You Want To Hate Me" Limp Bizkit
Mission Impossible: 2 (2000)
Honestly, I don't know what any of these lyrics mean. I'm not sure Fred Durst does either.
Sample lyric:
"I don’t even know what I should say
Cuz im an idiot, a loser, microphone abuser
I analyze every second I exist
Beating on my mind every second with my fist"
What? Well the first two lines don't rhyme at all. But at least he's being honest here. Although, since this was written for Mission Impossible 2, it's hard to tell if Durst is referring to Tom Cruise's character. I doubt Cruise would describe his hero/daredevil character Ethan Hunt as an idiot, loser, or even microphone abuser but you never know.
7. "Spirit" Doug E. Fresh & The Get-Fresh Crew
Ghostbusters 2 (1989)
This is probably my favorite song on this list. Doug E. Fresh is one of the all time greatest beat boxers. It starts out with Mr. Fresh pondering what it means to have a soul, or "spirit", if you will. Pretty deep for late-80's hip-hop. Then, he starts dropping in lines like "GHOSTBUSTERS, it's like that y'all!" and the song goes to shit.
6. "Deepest Bluest" LL Cool J
Deep Blue Sea (1999)
There's a stigma in sci-fi/horror films that the black characters always die (Alien, The Shining, Jurassic Park, Rocky IV). I have a theory that the exception to this rule is that the black characters always get killed off, unless they can rap. (i.e. Ice Cube in Anaconda). Nothing proves my (BS) theory more than the 1999 camp classic Deep Blue Sea. Halfway through, the lead character, played by Samuel L. Jackson, is chomped in two by a shark right in the middle of his big emoting speech. Yet, it's rapper LL Cool as the survivor.
5. "Go Ninja Go" Vanilla Ice
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles II: The Secret Of The Ooze (1991)
Even 21 years later I'm still pissed off at this movie. Who the fuck are Tokka and Rahzar? Everyone knows it's supposed to be Bebop and Rocksteady! And why aren't the Ninja Turtles using there weapons? And what happened to the lady that played April O'Neal in the last movie? Damn, I'm still pissed off. Even getting Pizza Hut afterwards wasn't enough to cheer me up. I never smiled again after that day.
4. "Grinch 2000" Busta Rhymes/Jim Carrey
Dr. Seuss' How the Grinch Stole Christmas (2000)
I've tried to sit through this song three times and have never made it past the first minute. It's that bad. If anyone listens to the whole thing send me an email and let me know how it is. As for now, I will consider it an embarrassment for everyone involved. Especially Dr. Seuss.
3. "Are You Ready For Freddy?" The Fat Boys
A Nightmare On Elm Street 4: The Dream Master (1988)
Even though the song/video isn't exactly funny/scary/good in any way, somehow I'm still insanely jealous of my brother-in-law for having a framed, vinyl copy hanging up in he and my sister's home in Chicago. Every time I go for a visit I find myself staring up at it, enchanted by it's magnificence. Maybe he'll give it to me if I ask for it nicely.
2. "Maniac Cop Rap" Jay Chattaway
Maniac Cop 2 (1990)
This song is so obscure I'm not even sure who it's by. After searching on the net for awhile (about 3 minutes) with no luck I gave up. The music to the film is credited to Jay Chattaway, the composer for such classic tv shows as Star Trek: The Next Generation. I highly doubt Chattaway, who was 44 at the time of the film's release, is the one rapping behind the mic. Especially since there are clearly two MC's on this track. But, I guess if no one wants to take the credit for the "Maniac Cop Rap" then I'll take it. Heading over to Wikipedia and Imdb to add myself as the performer right now.
1. "City of Crime" Dan Aykroyd and Tom Hanks
Dragnet (1987)
And now, I proudly present Academy Award Nominee Dan Aykroyd and two-time Academy Award Winner Tom Hanks in...this monstrosity.
